Improving tips Information

We all want to feel good about ourselves but many of us go about this in the ways that will never create self-esteem.

Do you believe that you will have high self-esteem when:

You make a lot of money?

You achieve a high position in your work?

You have an expensive car or an expensive home?

You are famous?

You find the right relationship?

You receive approval from the important people in your life?

While all of these can result in momentary good feelings, none of them create a deep and abiding sense of self-esteem.

Self-esteem actually has nothing to do with your achievements or with other people. Self-esteem results from two things regarding your inner relationship with yourself:

How you see yourself

How you treat yourself

Richard, a client of mine, is a very successful businessman. He is wealthy, lives is a big house, has expensive cars, a lovely wife and three children. But Richard consulted with me because of his low self-esteem. He was perplexed that he continued to feel so inadequate in spite of all that he had achieved and all that he had.

As we worked together, it became apparent that, no matter what the outer truth was, Richard continued to see himself as the inadequate child his father told him he was. His inner dialogue was often self-critical, just as his father had been with him. And not only did Richard constantly judge himself as his father had judged him, he treated himself as his father had treated him - ignoring his own feelings and needs. As a result, Richard was always looking to others for the attention and approval that he didn’t receive from his father and was not giving to himself. Instead of being a loving parent to the child within him, he was a harsh and inattentive inner parent.

Jackie, another client of mine, is a very successful actress. Yet fame and fortune have not given her self-esteem. No matter how many people tell her how beautiful and talented she is, she still feels inadequate and insecure most of the time. This is because, on the inner level, Jackie is constantly telling herself that she is stupid. “How could I have made that stupid remark!” “How could I have acted so stupid?” Mirroring her mother’s own self-judgments and her judgments toward Jackie, she is constantly putting herself down. Until Jackie learns to see herself through eyes of truth rather than eyes of judgment, she will continue to feel inadequate and insecure.

It might make it easier to see how you create your own high or low self-esteem if you think of your feeling self as a child within. No matter how much you achieve or how much approval you get from others, if you are treating your inner child badly - by ignoring your feelings and judging yourself - you will continue to feel inadequate. If you continue to see yourself through the distorted eyes of your parents, siblings, peers or teachers, and continue to treat yourself the way they treated you or the way they treated themselves, you will continue to have low self-esteem. If you open to seeing the truth of who you really are - a beautiful divine soul who just wants to love - then you will treat yourself as you would treat anyone whom you saw as a beautiful divine soul. When you take loving action in your own behalf, you will feel valued rather than inadequate. Loving actions might include:

Speaking up for yourself with others and telling your truth without blame or judgment in conflict situations.

Taking care of your body through eating well, getting enough exercise, enough sleep, and so on.

Creating a balance between work, rest, play and creative time.

Treating yourself and others with respect and compassion rather than with judgment.

Attending to - rather than ignoring - your own feelings and needs.

Taking the time to pray and meditate.

Choosing to notice your thoughts and practicing inner self-discipline regarding your thoughts.

When taking loving action in your own behalf replaces your inattentive and judgmental behavior toward yourself, you will feel high self-esteem.

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.

Share This

We all dream of our children being confident with high self-esteem.
It’s vital we remember that everything we say to a child can have a positive or negative consequence on their minds.

Sometimes all it takes is one knock back, one put down or one embarrassment to affect their behaviour well into their adult life if not for the rest of their days.

Mindful parenting is the answer. That’s being consciously aware of how you are communicating to your child in verbal and non-verbal ways. Consider yourself as a guide in your child’s life. Holding their hand along the way, at times walking just in front to lead them, sometimes walking by their side discovering together and at other times walking a step or two behind, supporting and encouraging them, being there to love them if they falter from their path. And it is THEIR path.

To help you achieve this I’ve given you some ideas below. Pick one or two to begin with and work with them until you feel comfortable. Then pick the next ones on the list you want to try.

Your rewards will be immense as parenting becomes relaxed and the family bonds grow stronger.

10 tips for building confidence and self-esteem:

Give responsibility appropriate to ability. Consider yourself as the guide that enables or disables a child’s growth.

Never tell a child they are wrong. Build co-operation. Remind them what you admire about them and ask them to try things a different way next time.

Give genuine praise for positive progression in schoolwork and things they do at home. Any step forward is progression. Praise it!

Let children hear you telling others about their strengths and progression - they’ll believe it more!

Involve them in parent/teacher discussions. Make it positive and solution focused.

Sit or crouch down when talking to them. Be on their eye level.

Ask for their opinions and validate them.

Together write a list of all their qualities. Encourage your child to come up with them and read the list daily.

Find something good in them everyday. Tell them.

Have teachers tell them what they are good at. When they could do better show them when they have previously done it well and refer them to it.

Involve them in family discussions and decisions. Listen to their ideas. Try to work with their ideas and tell them well done for their contribution.

Happy families

Jo

Jo Ball
Unstoppable Life

Jo Ball (LCA, Dip, NLP), Founder and Senior Coach at Unstoppable Life, would like to invite you to join her free personal development newsletter community. She runs Family enhancing Bushcraft weekends that bring your family and nature closer together. To join her newsletter or check out the weekends visit http://www.unstoppablelife.com.

Share This

Everyone dreams of a life full of love and adventure. But we fill ourselves with reasons not to follow our dreams. Instead of protecting us, they imprison and hold us back. Life will be over before we know it, so now is the time to really live life and love.

In Life Lessons, Elizabeth K

Share This