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Do you feel awkward or uncomfortable at social/business events? You are not alone. While social/business events can be enjoyable, especially when you are surrounded by people whom you enjoy, there are social/business events that you might wish you were someplace else. Such occasions can sometimes be the cause of anxiousness and self-consciousnessheart palpitating and/or sweaty palms. You may even feel like everyone else is having a good time except for you.

The truth is others have felt awkward and uncomfortable on such occasions. Contrary to what pharmaceutical companies and medical doctors want you to believe, one of the best ways to overcome anxiousness and self-consciousness at social/business events or to get past your feeling of shyness is to focus on the people around you. Remember that other people might also be feeling awkward or shy. Armed with this awareness, you can become the bridge for others and yourself to feel comfortable by using a few easy techniques.

The next time you are obligated to attend a social/business event and you are feeling awkward or uncomfortable use this exercise before going.

Close your eyes and breathe deeply

Visualize yourself surrounded in a warm white light that is protective yet allows you to interact with people.

Visualize people smiling and radiating warmth and friendliness.

Visualize people at the event being drawn to you because of the open and warm feelings that you are radiating.

Visualize yourself arriving at the eventtake a moment to spread this same light of loving acceptance to everyone around you.

Visualize yourself smiling and greeting people warmly.

Visualize yourself moving around the room, smiling and introducing yourself. Ask the person, how they know the host/hostess, where they live, etc. If this is a work related event, ask people what department or location they are in the company. Ask what they do for funhobbies, sports, interests, travel. As you learn about them, you can interject the same information about yourself. The one thing you might not learn is whether they feel awkward and uncomfortable attending social/business events. If they doyou have helped them learn a way to reduce that feeling.

Remember when you radiate acceptance, openness and receptivity, people will respond in kind.

Repeat this exercise two times each day for three days before the event.

When you attend the social/business event it will seem as though you have been there feeling comfortable and confident, because the mind does not distinguish between actual events and visualized events.

Focusing on how you can make other people at a social/business event feel at ease can help you feel at ease too. In the process, you will have fun learning about others, making new friends or connections.

The next time you attend a social/business event, invite people to join you in your zone of comfort that you have so lovingly and intentionally created. Let yourself enjoy being encircled in the warmth of your creation.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, Life Coach and Inspirational Leader empowers people to view life’s challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening. www.drdorothy.net.

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Sexual abuse does not heal itself. Time , marriages, children, success, wealth, buying a bigger house, or faster car, changing jobs or relocating will not CURE it. The survivor is robbed of his or her innocence, core identity and trust. It is ‘violence’ that does not require force. The child is thrown into a state of shock. For some the memories remain conscious, while others drive them beneath the conscious level. These coping mechanisms are carried into adulthood and impact the person’s life on every level. Sexual child abuse is the most profound, pervasive and all encompassing injury anyone could sustainit permeates every aspect of one’s being.

Sexual abuse recovery requires a highly focused process specifically for the after effects. Therefore, it is imperative for your recovery to work with a professional, who understands and is experienced in the multifaceted process of healing the mind, body and spirit.

Sexual abuse after effects include, but are not limited to:

Anxiety. Do you often worry, unable to sit still or constantly on the go?

Panic Attack–heart palpitations, shortness of breath

Relationship Problems. Are your relationships with family, friends, and significant others full of stress, inability to truly communicate?

Nightmares/flashbacks

Insomnia. Trouble relaxing and sleeping

Addictions. Do you attempt to fill the void with food, drugs, alcohol, work, or sex?

Extreme Emotions. Do your emotions often seem out of control?

Depression. Do you feel that life will never be better and that as long as you are alive you will be in pain?

Hyper-vigilant. Do you feel like you must be constantly on guard?

Inability to trust or trusting indiscriminately

Physical Problems. Are you plagued by physical
issues–headaches/migraines, stomach problems, MS, PMS, Cancer, Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, Restless Leg Syndrome, Lupus, Lower Back Pain?

Angry. Does your anger interfere with your life?

Shame/Guilt/Humiliation. Do you believe you are at fault–If you had only….thus you experience the ensuing shame, guilt and humiliation?

Asking the following questions will help insure you have a qualified professional for sexual child abuse recovery.

-If a professional asks: “What is your problem?” or “What happened to you?” Continue searching. Asking, “What is your problem?” or “What happened to you?” implies blame, sickness and fault. Asking, “What did you experience growing up?”–allows the person to begin the process of discovering the source of their pain and healing the wounds.

-What is your approach to the recovery process? The basic recovery process is: Discovery, Heal, Discovery, Heal. Processing feelings and uncovering the layers of pain. “Going into the Pain to get out of the Pain.” “There is no gain without pain.” If the professional is unable to give you a process similar to this. Continue searching.

-Do you allow phone conversations (10 - 15 min.) between sessions? If the answer is, “NO.” Continue searching. Having a short phone conversations between sessions is paramount to your ability to develop the deep level of trust required to go through the healing process. Furthermore, people aren’t only in pain on Tuesday at 3 p.m. The recovery process is a 24/7 proposition, the professional’s support between sessions is critical to recovery.

-What are the critical issues in the recovery process? The correct answer is: Anger/Rage, Sadness, Fear, Guilt, Humiliation, Inability to Trust and Shame. If the professional is unable to readily list these emotions. Continue to search.

-What tools and techniques do you use to facilitate the recovery process? If the professional is trained in sexual abuse recovery, he or she will name some or all of the following techniques: Guided Imagery, Hypnosis/Regression, Therapeutic Journaling, Dream Analysis, Reframing, Using Affirmations, Using the book, “The Courage to Heal Workbook” by Laura Davis, Cell Memory Releasement.

The following techniques, or some variation, are optional, but highly recommended:

Meditation

Exercise

Dance

Music

Movement Therapy

The majority of mental health professionals treat symptomsi.e. depression, anxiety, panic, MS, chronic fatigue, PMS, etc. What is the difference between treating ’symptoms’ and treating ‘root cause?’

Treating ‘root cause’ focuses on the experience the survivor endured–the sexual abuse and the ensuing after effects. Uncovering the pain and healing the emotions associated with that pain. Note: Question above regarding the emotions indigenous to sexual abuse.

Treating symptoms focuses on the symptomatic coping mechanisms the survivor used to survive the pain, i.e. drug/alcohol abuse, eating disorders, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, co-dependency, chronic fatigue syndrome, migraine headaches, numbing out, dissociating, arthritis, cancer, MS, sexual addiction, etc.

Last, but not least, if the professional fails to answer any one of these questions with same or similar answers, continue your search. If you are unable to find a professional through your medical insurance, the yellow pages or referral contact www.drdorothy.net and go to ‘Ask the Expert.’

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, Author, International speaker, specializes in: Mind, Body, Spirit healing and Physical/Sexual Abuse Prevention and Recovery. As an inspirational leader, Dr. Neddermeyer empowers people to view life’s challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening. http://www.drdorothy.net

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Have you ever been inside a prison? When I did my internship I conducted workshops on Assertive Communication and Decision Makingtwo very important and empowering toolsin the New York State Women’s prison and the Men’s Minimum Security Prison, both in Bedford Hills, NY.

Each time I entered, I was impressed and humbled by the cold, damp concrete and crashing of metal doors and strict regimentation. It was startling when the sliding doors closed behind meI was powerless to do anything and was at the mercy of the guards to allow me to leave. No words I could use or TV programs I could recommend would convey the emptiness and frustration that permeates the walls of a prison. Millions of people are within those walls, many for twenty or more years, others until they diemore often than not an early death.

Ironically, people in every walk of life have built their own prison. They have strong steel bars to hold them, tighter than the prisons holding criminals. Millions of people hold themselves captive. They incarcerate themselves and make environments that are worse than the prisons holding criminals. These private prisons are created in their minds. The walls are just as strong as the steel and damp concrete walls of any prison.

These private prisons are built of fear, excuses, pessimism, procrastination and complaining.
Many people have ‘life sentences’ behind bars of ‘self-pity. Poor meain’t it awful, I wasn’t born rich or my dad or mother was a drunk, or I didn’t go to collegeor “I can’t do that because___.” “I don’t have the money.”

Success is a choice! You are exactly where you are because of your choices. If you do not have enough money or time or love or companionship that is only because you have not decided that is what you want. Success is a choiceyou need to decide to be successful and then take action to get there.

In my practice I see many people who want more money, love, affection and a better life. That is what they want, but when I ask them what they are willing to do to get what they want or what effort are they willing to put forth to get what they wantthey are speechless and unable to define what they are willing to do. The answer is simple.

It does not take a miracle to be successful. It takes action, commitment and perseverance. It does not take a lot of moneymoney is the least of what is needed. Action, commitment and perseverance will draw money to you. The most difficult commodity to find is someone who will take action and persist until they are successful.

Success in any field is difficult. Few attain success without the help of others. Oh, there is talk about self-made men and women, but no matter how much anyone does to contribute to their successcareful assessment of the situation will inevitably reveal that everyone somehow directly and indirectlyhad some help along the way from the expertise of others.

Take advantage of the expertise of others so that you can avoid the pitfalls that could easily slow your progress and ultimate success. Life Coaching provides you with tools and awareness that will make your life easier and more successful. Once you have the awareness and tools, you will provide the action and motivation to be successful.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, author, Life Coach and Inspirational leader. Dr. Neddermeyer empowers people to view life’s challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening. www.drdorothy.net

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