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We are used to think that communication is between people, that we need to communicate to express our feelings, our ideas, to create bonds, good feelings, harmony,and we all know that good communication is key in relationships, whether this being with partner, friends, family, neighbours, business,…

In absolutely everything good communication is the key to success.

But have you ever thought that you need to have good communication with yourself as well? And that good communication with yourself determines your happiness and bad communication with yourself determines your unhappiness?

Yes, because we can have all the money in the world, and houses and cars and goods and relationships, but if we do not have good communication with ourselves we may be very unhappy and also not able to appreciate and be thankful for all we have.

So, how can we achieve good communication with ourselves?

First of all, you need to welcome yourself for who you are: you are a wonder, wonderfully made, unique in richness, gifts and talents.

You need to be yourself and not try to be someone you are not, it would create inner discomfort.

Then, how do you talk to yourself?

You might say: “I do not talk to myself, I talk to people!” Yes, well, but what are you thinking and telling yourself in your head?

Do you beat yourself up?

I believe 99% of the population has obtained a PHD in “Beating ourselves up”!

Ok, so how about first of all stop doing it, start finding good things in you, take responsibility for all your weakness and do something to change them, simply?

How about starting by asking yourself:

Do I accept, or better, welcome myself?

Am I appreciating who I am?

Am I respecting myself?

Do I love myself?

Do I support myself?

And very important,

Am I thanking myself for all that I have done and overcome and achieved and simply for being alive and taking care of myself?

Do you know that the quality of your life depends literally on how you communicate with yourself?

You can literally make yourself happy or depressed.

It is about your thoughts about yourself, what you expect and the meaning you give to events, other people, and situations.

Your happiness in fact depends also on the meaning you give to events, situation, people, because you can choose a meaning that empowers you or one that disempowers you. What goes on in your head really determines your happiness or unhappiness. We have such a power.

How about if next time that you find yourself thinking about an event you choose to expect the best?

And how about next time that you have a discussion with your partner you choose to give an empowering meaning, maybe reframing the situation, maybe asking yourself if you need to know more information before getting a little annoyed?

How about deciding that from this very moment on you are going to make yourself happy?

And how about deciding that from this very moment on you are going to make yourself FEEL GOOD, REALLY GOOD?

Remember you can choose your thoughts at every moment, choose empowering ones!

Piercarla Garusi is a Life Coach & NLP Practitioner and Director of PG Coaching Ltd. She helps professionals, expatriates, charities, improve dramatically the quality of their lives and create extraordinary lives. She is also running a coaching programme to help people overcome their social anxiety. For free coaching mini-courses- Unleash Your Potential: Become Who You Really Are! and Be Your Own Life Coach!, as well as free newsletters, please visit: http://www.pgcoaching.co.uk Contacts: +44 020 8995 0264, info@pgcoaching.co.uk.

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Every hero needs a challenge. Usually, the biggest challenges forge the greatest heroes.

Powerful myths and fairy tales operate from these premises, and the most engaging adventure movies make us wonder if the characters will ever break through the mighty obstacles blocking their paths.

We respect and admire the intrepid souls who rise to the occasion, who confront their demons and dragons head-on. If we hope to truly accept and inspire ourselves, we have to do the same thing in every day life.

Dragons are everywhere, but they masquerade as “petty tyrants,” a term used by Carlos Castaneda.

A petty tyrant doesn’t punch you in the nose. He or she will simply make your life miserable by frustrating you, by putting a pebble or two in your shoes.

Need that report, yesterday? “You’ll just have to stand in line, along with everyone, else!”

A tyrant will offer you a bite of cake, knowing you’re trying to be good, trying to stick to your diet.

When you’re starting that exercise program, she’ll say, “I feel so tired, don’t you?”

You want to get ahead at work, putting in extra effort and longer hours.

“This place will steal your soul,” she’ll warn.

Dragons such as these don’t openly breathe fire and spit venom, but they are just as dangerous.

They’re everywhere, and they can defeat us in other ways, like a million, tiny paper cuts.

So, confront them, even if they’re minor irritants, now. This will give you strength and energy, and you’ll learn what everyday heroism is all about.

Dr. Gary S. Goodman, President of Customersatisfaction.com, is a popular keynote speaker, management consultant, and seminar leader and the best-selling author of 12 books, including Reach Out & Sell Someone

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Reader #1: “Steve, is it possible to win over even the stubbornist of men without them knowing what has hit them and how? I want to improve the bond between us but how? What can spark off ‘Chemistry’ ?”

Reader #2: Hello, Steve, I want to know how to get your man back after you have lost him, or at least ways you can win him back, or how to make him jealous?

Response: How does a person know when to “pull the plug?” In other words, when do you know it is time to stop trying?

When relationships are cooling off or ending it is natural to try to save them. Sometimes it is possible to do so, and sometimes it is not. Sometimes it may be possible but is not advisable. How do we know? Here’s a few indications:

Time To Pull the Plug:

How’s your self-esteem? If you have to behave in a compromising way that damages your self-respect it may be time to let go of the relationship.

When you repeatedly invite the other to engage in developing the relationship and nothing happens, it may be over. Notice that I did not use the word “manipulate.” Respectful behavior calls for straight forward communication and negotiation. If you have to manipulate to get the other back into the relationship it’s not a sign of good relational health.

Are you being realistic? Has your partner said “No” in every way possible, but you refuse to pick up on it? Are you being foolishly optimistic?

Sometimes true love means letting the other go. Do you love your partner enough to embrace what’s best? What if the other’s spiritual journey does not include you at this time? What if something has to be worked out separately first?

If your partner’s behavior is dangerous for you it’s time to consider distance. Drugs, irresponsible sex, violence, or demeaning behavior can seriously endanger you. We all want to stand by our loved ones as they work out their problems, but denial of the seriousness of such problems may get in our way and endanger us.

Time To Keep Trying:

Whenever there are children involved it is worth the effort to see if the relationship can be salvaged. Children are always the ones hurt the most when relationships go bad or break up. They are definately worth our best efforts as adults at such times.

When your partner is still giving mixed signals it may mean that there is still a chance. He may not be sure yet. She may not really know her true feelings. At such a time, respectful invitation to relationship is appropriate. Too much distance or too much clinging are not very helpful. If there is a hint of “Maybe” then there is a chance.

Many times I have couples keep at it because they believe it would be a great waste to let the relationship go. Years of effort, tons of emotional energy, or missed opportunities that may still be available can suggest there is still a chance.

One of the easier couples to help is the compassionate couple where neither wants the other to hurt. Compassion and empathy are great building blocks for any relationship. Passion can often be re-created when such caring partners decide to try again.

To Try Or Not To Try?

You’re not alone in the dilemma of decision. Most couples experience it at some point, if not repeatedly. Just be sure that everyone is safe, that you are not being unrealistic, and that your self-respect always remains intact.

Steve Roberts is an experienced Marriage and Family Therapist sharing real life relationship secrets from over 20 years of practice. Get Insight & Wisdom for your Relationships at:
http://www.whatworksforcouples.com

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