Improving tips Information

When communication goes awry, as it sometimes will, we usually blame the listener, because we perceive the listener has the major responsibility in making sure the message is understood. In reality, communication is a 100% responsibility by both the listener and the speaker.

If you, as the speaker want to make sure your message is understood, you need to take full responsibility for using the tools of effective communication.

The four tools for effective communication are:

Establish a Frame of Reference

Ask clarifying questions

Paraphrasing

Listening for the words behind the words (understanding feelings)

Therefore, as the speaker check with your listener to verify that your Frame of Reference is understood. Invite your listener to ask clarifying questions (i.e. When? Where? How? What? Who?). Ask your listener to paraphrase back what he/she has understood you to say. Taking responsibility for your feelings and conveying them with the message will make your communications more meaningful and rewarding. It is also helpful to convey your feelings by using “I” statements. For example: I feel _______when__________. This takes the burden off the listener in reading non-verbal messages. Whether you are the speaker or the listener, it is your responsibility to use the communication tools conscientiously, if the message is important to you.

Communication is a more complicated medium than we perceive it to be. Whether listening, reading, speaking, or writing, we have selective listening (reception) and selective speaking (transmission) processes operating at all times. As you read this article, you are selectively hearing my message and I am selectively sending it based on past experience, needs values, images and the language I use. These can all become barriers to effective communication.

As you listen, you filter information in or out based on your evaluation of what you are hearing and your determination if it has value. “Do I need this? Will it give me what I want? Is it important?” If the answers to these questions are “Yes,” you will make more effort to be sure you have understood. If the answers are “No,” You won’t take as much time and effort. Since these questions are usually asked on an unconscious level, you may often allow past experiences to determine what you listen to in the here and now.

As a speaker, you ask, “Is it important to have my message understood? What will I gain if the listener understands?” The greater your need to have your message understood, the more time you will spend making sure you are heard.

The value you put on the information being conveyed also has a great deal to do with how well you communicate. As a listener, the value you place on the speaker’s information will determine how conscientiously you use good listening skills. If you don’t agree with the basic premise or if you believe it isn’t important, you may begin to evaluate the message before the speaker has finished speaking. You may then begin to daydream or mentally formulate a rebuttal.

As a speaker, the greater the value you put on the information the more time and effort you will spend conveying it. If you want your message to be understood, it is important for you to determine what is of value to the listener and deliver the message based on the listener’s values. When listeners are aware that you place importance on their values, they are usually willing to hear the significance of your message on a cognitive and affective level.

The image that you, as a listener, have of the speaker also determines the level of attention you will give him/her. If you image is one of respect, acceptance, or understanding, you will be more conscientious about making sure the message is heard. If the image is a judgmental oneDoes he know what he is talking about? She/he doesn’t have a PhD, how can she/he know enough to teach me?you will not spend adequate time using effective communication skills.

The same is true if you are the speaker. If your image of the listener is one of respect, understanding, or acceptance, you will spend time making sure the message has been understood. If you lack the self-image and self confidence necessary to convey your message to doctors, lawyer’s or some other group with whom you may feel inadequate, you will fail to use the communication skills and will not communicate in depth or adequately.
These barriers are in operation constantly on the part of both listener and speaker. In order for effective communication to take place, these barriers need to be checked out. If the listener has an unfavorable image of the speaker, the speaker needs to address that issue and resolve it. The speaker can change a perception someone has by clarifying a misunderstood action or reaction and by sending the message in a way that will meet the needs of the listener.

The language you use to convey your message is important, too. Any information can be conveyed in an infinite number of ways. As the speaker, you need to use words the listener will understand. Jargon can be a problem; therefore, avoid using professional argot, regionalisms and ethnocentrisms. You run the risk of losing the listener’s interest. If you are the listener and do not understand the words being used, ask the speaker to explain.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, Author, Life Coach and International Speaker. As an inspirational leader, Dr. Neddermeyer empowers people to view life’s challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening. http://www.drdorothy.net

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Success is not an easy concept to define. What does it take to be successful? How does success look? When should a person feel like a success? Once success is achieved, how can new goals be set without diminishing the value of one’s previous accomplishments? Can success ever be realized when time is finite and obligations seem endless? These questions may be answered best with the following question, “Who is the person defining success?”

Take the initiative to define your own success by developing a personal mission statement. A personal mission statement is developed by focusing on the qualities that make you unique, such as, who you are, what you would like to do, your hopes, fears and wishes. It can be as ambitious or as simplistic as you desire, and it is ever-changing.

What if you don’t feel confident enough to create a personal mission statement? Start with a group of goals you would like to accomplish over the next year. Keep experimenting until you find an idea that you believe you were meant to relentlessly pursue. Remember, it is your mission and it can change as you grow and excel; you are the only limit to what you can become.

Still having trouble defining personal success? Imagine that a genie were to grant you three wishes. If all you can come up with is, “I would like to be rich and thin,” you haven’t taken enough time to know your true goals. Ask yourself what you would DO if you were rich and thin and you will see a hint of your true mission. Now ask yourself if any of the things you named are things you can do right now and, if so, why do you choose not to follow through.

This is a very personal key. Measuring your standards on a bar set by others means permanently installing yourself on a treadmill of your own making. Have the courage to determine what you want out of life and make a promise to yourself that you will not settle for less than your vision of success.

I see this dilemma often among parents with young children. Some are stay-at -home moms who would really like to work at least part-time. Others are working at careers that leave them unsatisfied, when they would really prefer to spend more time with their children. And although we don’t often hear about this dilemma among fathers, there are a growing number of men who are sharing equally in the day-to-day activities of child rearing and would also like more flexible work schedules. Take the time to determine what is most important in your life and be honest with yourself as you identify a personal mission statement.

When you take the time to know where you are headed, you will begin to see opportunities that will help you reach your goals. By honoring your vision of success, you’ll be in the best position to take that next bold step toward personal fulfillment. Start with a few things you want to change, ideas you want to pursue, people you want to meet, or a new hobby you want to try. Then, when you see an opportunity that will help you reach your unique goals, embrace the challenge. Above all, commit to keeping your life mission foremost in your mind because it will help you identify your aspirations and serve as a roadmap as you navigate the maze.

*Copyright 2005 JoAnna Carey, Carey’D Away Enterprises, LLC.Adapted from the book Rat Race Relaxer: Your Potential & The Maze of Life. All rights reserved.

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About the Author: JoAnna Carey, aka “The Rat Race Relaxer,” is available for radio, TV and print interviews. She’s an energetic entrepreneur who merges her life experience and business success to perform enjoyable, influential presentations. She is the producer and host of her own weekly television program titled The Rat Race Relaxer